Of All Things
by Pessimistic Guardian Angel
Summary: What would happen if Alex had a little too much of Powerade? What would happen if Tom pushed Alex a tad too far? If Alex met one of his old classmates at the SAS when they grow up? Come on, read the story... I know you want to... Bunch of drabbles based on Alex Rider. Rated T cause I'm not sure if the story will have some "language".
1. Powerade

**Author's Note: Hi there! *sigh* what did I drink? Oh yeah... cherries... I'm eating cherries... right... never mind. So I'm a newbie at writing, so constructive criticism is welcome, though please know that I am very sensitive. No rude comments, please? I'm not much of a writer, I'll admit it. But hey, I try. I'm not even sure if people are reading my drabbles, but I sure hope so! I heard that drabbles are 100 worded, so I tried it out. A lot. The bolded words (aka. my Author's Notes) don't count in the text, and I double, _triple_ checked that it was 100 words. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing here belongs to me, unless **

**I'm a dude (which I'm not) **

**with short hair (not anymore) **

**who writes well (so not happening; dream on, Angel) **

**and has money (my parents take some of my money... does that count? ****Random person: no ****Me: Damn)**

K Unit plus Ben and Alex were piled on the couch.

Suddenly, Alex had this irresistible urge to do something stupid.

"I'm gonna start laughing evilly."

"Uh, go ahead?"

Cue Alex's insane cackle that he picked up from the evil villains he faced before, and the cartoons he watched every morning…

K Unit and Ben rolled their eyes. An unspoken agreement was made, and finally, Ben pushed Alex out of the room, Alex still laughing maniacally.

"Round _two_!" Alex screamed.

Everyone sighed, and Ben shut the door in Alex's face, turning to the men before him.

"Who gave him Powerade?"

**Right... I'm not really funny, am I? :(**

**Anyway, please review! Please? I mean, you don't _have_ to... but I hope you do... but... Never mind. Just... please review if you liked the story, and how I could improve it. Remember, I'm _not much of a writer._ No, really, I'm not. And if you have any ideas, please tell me!**


	2. I'm a Little Teapot

**Author's Note: Right. I'm updating this thing on the same day I'm updating the first drabble, so sorry _if_ you reviewed and I didn't reply publicly (a big _if, _because I seriously doubt that my writing is that good. Even if it was, I wouldn't be able to actually show it well, because it's only 100 words, right?). **

**Disclaimer: Right. Uh, not mine. Damn. As always. I had a daydream. It was wonderful. Alex, Tom, and the K Unit came walking up to me, and said that I can have the rights to own them now. But then my dog appeared, and said, "Stop daydreaming, and start showering!" and I realized that my dog suddenly had my mom's voice. I was _so_ close to owning the rights! not. Thanks a lot, Mom. Please note the heavy sarcasm dripping from my words like thick, sarcastic honey (is it possible for honey to be sarcastic? Thought so.)**

It started in history class:

"She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes, when she comes!" Tom sang in Alex's ear. Alex nodded along.

Then, in English:

"I'm a little teapot, short and stout, here is my handle, here's my spout," hummed Tom, the song complete with the actions.

Finally, the hour-long bus trip; Alex swallowed down the temptation to punch Tom, and tuned out Tom's singing of every childhood song he knew.

Finally Alex could take to more; he crashed out the school bus's window and ran around in frantic circles screaming.

Alex Rider had finally lost it.

**Oh yeah! This drabble was based on a real life experience. My best friend was Tom, so obviously, I'm Alex. But I didn't go crashing out the bus window, though. I might have growled at her a teensy bit. She was singing childhood songs for the whole trip (we went on a field trip that day) and it was worse because she was in my group for everything :) **

**Annoying, yet kind of funny, if you're not the victim.**

**Please review if you enjoyed this chapter or if you can relate!**

**PS.**

**Oh yeah, the previous chapter was based on real life, too. I was Alex, and my mom was the rest. She didn't lock me out of the house, though. Only out of the washroom (we were brushing our teeth). I didn't drink Powerade, but I think I swallowed some toothpaste...**


	3. And He Pulled the Trigger

**Author's Note: Wow, FanFiction. I can't believe it! At first, this text (not the ones in bold; that's my Author's Note!) was 99 words, so I thought I only had to add one more word. Easy! But then, _boom_, this thing had one-hundred-and-thirty-something words in it! I was so baffled... And so mad... No, not really... Just baffled, I guess. So I edited and edited, and finally! 100 words. Triumph at last!**

**Disclaimer: No one that you recognise belongs to me *sniffle* and they will return safely... with the exceptions of Alex. Since he killed himself... or maybe Wolf, too, since you can look at it like Alex killed Wolf... Fine. With the exception of Alex or Wolf, who will return in a body bag. Oops.**

"Wolf, I just don't think I can do this anymore."

"What? Don't—"

"Wolf—"

"Cub—"

"Wolf, I've lost _everything_."

"Cub. You can survive this."

"I can't."

"You have people that _care _for you. What will happen to them?"

"There aren't any left. Jack, Tom and Sabina were murdered. It's all my fault."

"No, it isn't, Cub. And what about _K-Unit_? You're part of us now."

"I'm sorry, Wolf." And he pulled the trigger.

**I'm still pretty new at this site**—**I mean the writing part. So please forgive me if I make mistakes, and please tell me if how I can improve!**


	4. Peanut Butter

**Author's Note: I got the idea for this when I was eating, and the thing stuck to the roof of my mouth. I panicked. I think I have a phobia of peanut butter sticking to the roof of my mouth. That's why I barely eat peanut butter and jam (jelly in American as in USA English, I know, but for some reason I say _jam_. Does anybody else?) sandwiches.**

**Disclaimer: I want to own the rights. I really, really, _really_ do. Santa, can you gimme them for Chistmas? **

**Santa: No, Angel (Pessimistic Guardian Angel is so _long..._ so yeah.) you're too old for my gifts. **

**Me: Traitorous scum. *Goes into a corner and cries***

**Anyway, don't own 'em, never will.**

Jack was on her computer in her room, happily chatting with her friends on Facebook. Suddenly, Jack heard a series of crashes and muffled yells from downstairs. Agitated, she scrambled down the narrow stairs, only to collide with Alex.

She _oomf_ed, and looked around for attackers that might hurt Alex.

"Alex?"

Alex looked haunted; his brown eyes boring into her green ones with wild panic.

"Alex? What's wrong?"

He replied with something that sounded vaguely like, "Jaa…pee…butt…moo".

"You need to pee?"

Alex gulped down something in his mouth, and said with horror, "There was peanut butter stuck in my mouth."


	5. Stress

**Author's Note: I read the _Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't fallen asleep yet_ on a website, and this suddenly came up. I don't think this one is really good though. Hope that special someone that's reading this (I hope someone is, and if you are, I'd be really happy... make a girl happy, and review! :D) enjoys this, though, anyway.**

**Disclaimer: I really can't think of anything right now, so I'll just say this... (drumroll please... _what?_ They're on _strike?_ But manager, I thought you paid them well! No? Well... uh... never mind, then.) wait, sorry, just talking to my imaginary manager. He said that the drumrollers were on strike, and that I don't own 'em.**

He was being chased; there was a crowd of crazy people behind him.

His neck prickled, his instincts screaming _Danger! _as he turned a sharp left, running into an alley.

He looked around, looking for a possible exit; he was a cornered animal, and the others were predators playing with their prey. They advanced, weapons ready.

Alex swung an adrenaline-fueled punch at a henchman, only to find his fist bouncing off a gun with a _clang_.

He sat up, screaming, but it suddenly dawned on him:

_Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't fallen asleep yet._


	6. Hostages

**Author's Note: Yay, another depressing (? maybe it is, maybe it's not) death fic! I just love writing death fics... I love killing Alex, although he's my favourite character. I'm just the kind of person that likes seeing the main character hurt. That's why I read Chaos fanfics for Percy Jackson; he's hurt, and I don't like Annabeth, and she's usually the leading evil role in those fics. A win-win situation! Great!**

**Disclaimer: Again, none of this belongs to me, and as I mentioned before in my other death-drabble, Alex will be returning in a body bag, horrifyingly mutilated. But don't worry, Anthony Horowitz, he'll be up and about once you stick him in a hospital for a week!**

"You have a smart mouth, Rider."

"Thank you."

"So do your friends over there. For every mistake that they make, you will be punished. Of course, there are your mistakes, too. My guess is that you won't make it out alive, Rider."

"Your guess doesn't mean anything."

A Few Hours Later

Everyone crowded around a person.

"Alex?"

The hostages from Brookland Comprehensive knew that this was "Druggie" Rider. They could recognise every scar that was visible.

"Will he wake up?"

"Maybe…"

Alex Rider would never again utter another word; he would never again open his eyes.

Alex Rider was dead.

**I'm not sure how the line break thing works, so if there's a huge blank space in the middle... oops... my fault.**


	7. Sweet Revenge

**Author's Note: I got this idea when I was half-asleep at my cello lessons. I know I should've listened to what my teacher had to say, but whatever... When I wrote this, it was too many words, so I had to edit... Drabbles. So much work sometimes.**

**Disclaimer: Do you think I own them? No? Thought so. I don't own the Alex Rider characters. Ta!**

Marcus Sullivan was a new recruit in the SAS; K Unit (including Fox—he transferred back) was training them.

Exasperated, Wolf yelled, "Even Cub can do better than that."

Puzzled, Marcus asked who Cub was. As K Unit was about to scoff, a blond head appeared, and K Unit welcomed him.

He had familiar, too-serious brown eyes. Suddenly, Marcus realized something: "Cub" was "Druggie" aka. Alex Rider.

As his jaw hung open, Cub saw him and smirked.

"Welcome to Hell-on-Earth, Sullivan. I'll be training you. Ah, sweet revenge."


	8. I'm Sorry

**Author's Note: I got two reviews! I'm so happy! Now, I know what you're thinking. "It's only two reviews. Why is she so happy?" Well, any amount of reviews are great! It shows that people read and appreciated your story. Special, _extra_ special thanks to:**

**PoisonIvy1998: I'm sorry I'm apologizing for being new. It's just that I don't want people to think I'm egotistical, and so on... Which I might be, who knows? And I'm... never mind, I was about to apologize for being new... And thanks for the compliments! They mean so much to me! :D**

**Anonomon13: _Three hour bus ride?_ I feel for your friend. Ours was a one hour bus ride, but a four to five hour tour, so I think that evens it out a teensy bit. I laughed at first... But then I stopped at the 40 minute mark... Patience is not one of my strong points. And thank you for your compliments, too! All of them mean a lot to me, and the 'triple exclamation mark good' thing makes me so happy!**

**Thanks so much for your reviews, and I am the happiest girl in the world right now! I think. **

**Disclaimer: I will own Alex Rider the day that I am an unwilling teenage spy for my country and my dog turns out to be... uh, my best friend in disguise. Right. So not happening.**

Alex was kneeling by the ashes of a car, head down, and sobbing.

"Jack, I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I should have died instead of you." he cried, his voice breaking at _died_.

Soundless sobs soon racked his body.

A lone tear fell on the ground, then another.

And as if the sky was crying with him, one rain drop fell, then another.

Suddenly, it started pouring, drowning out a certain Alex Rider's sobs and cries. The truth of Jack's death weighed down on him, making his heart ache.

But only two words lingered in the air:

_I'm sorry._

**I am so totally out of 'funny' ideas... any ideas, anyone? Please?**


	9. Amnesia

**Author's Note: Yeah! I'm so happy! I got 5 reviews! Now, don't go around saying, "Pessimistic Guardian Angel thinks that 5 reviews is a lot," because it is. For you it might not be, but for me it is. I know that I should be thankful for every single review that I get, and that I shouldn't take reviews for granted. I got this idea when my best friend (the one that sang like Tom in the second chapter, I'm a Little Teapot) was jotting down ideas for her story where I'm a character (I have horrible luck sometimes... she likes torturing me). She wrote down something about losing memories, so yeah, the idea for this chapter was born. I wrote this chapter in class!**

**Thanks so much for your reviews!**

**youngjusticefanatic: Yeah, maybe I should create a story around it... I'll try, but there's no guarantee that it'll turn out well, though... ^^ Thanks for your review! :D**

**LarkaTheWhiteWolf: I don't think I said this in the reply, but I love your username thingy. I love wolves... they are so misunderstood... ): Anyway, thanks for your review, and I'll make sure I stay like this (humble, I think... and thankful). Wait, that was another one I didn't mention in the reply. Oh well, hope you read this comment, Larka! Can I call you that?**

**Anonomon13: I love your reviews! I really like it when you come back to review all the time! :D I think I'll use your idea about Alex being a baby with his parents. Except I don't think it will be funny. I'll try my best!**

Alex heard the steady beeping of a heart monitor when he finally managed to escape the hungry grasp of unconsciousness. As his eyes fluttered open, he saw a woman with fiery red hair and a teenage boy with black hair and blue eyes.

"Alex, are you okay?" the woman asked, concerned.

"Who are you?"

"You don't remember me?"

"No..." his memories were curiously blank; he couldn't remember anything.

The boy spoke. "Alex? Mate?"

"I'm sorry, I don't—" he frowned.

What had happened to him?


	10. A Boy or a Girl

**A/N I am so bored... I got started on the first chapter (not including the prologue) on a story that's kinda like the continuation of the drabble, "Sweet Revenge". It's called, "Sweet Revenge Grows Harsh". I know. I'm not good at titles. I think that's from Shakespear or something, but I just don't really get what it's about... haha, fail.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own him, and I'm out of ideas for the disclaimer. I don't own him. All rights go to Anthony Horowitz... But what if I changed my name to Anthony Horowitz? And got plastic surgery to make myself look like him? Would I still not own Alex Rider? Hmm?**

**Thanks to everyone that reviewed! **

**youngjusticefanatic: That's why I tried to lengthen "Sweet Revenge". I'm not sure if it's good, but I'm only 1/4 done for the 1st chapter... Thanks for reviewing!**

**Anonomon13: Thank you! I didn't really know that it was sad... but thanks! And also, thank you for reviewing!**

"A boy or a girl?" Helen asked, excited.

"The baby is a boy, congratulations!" the doctor said.

"Oh my gosh, John, did you hear that! The baby is a girl! I can't believe it! I can dress her up in a cute, frilly dress, and—"

"Helen, the baby is a _boy._"

"_What? _ But then I can't dress him up in a cute, frilly dress."

"Helen, you can dress him up in a cute, frilly _suit_."

"Suits are no fun, though!"


	11. Good Luck Surviving

**A/N I did this at the request of LarkaTheWhiteWolf, who suggested Alex tricking one of the K Unit into doing something as a prank. I'm not much of a prankster or anything, so please forgive me if this chapter sucks, okay? Uh, I think that's it...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own him. I never will... or will I? Nah. I don't think I will... I'm sad now...**

Alex wrapped up a gift in blue wrapping paper, carefully stuffing hot pink boxes inside. Then he called Wolf and told him to give the birthday gift to the Sergeant, since Alex couldn't give it to him himself. Wolf, being as gullible as he was, accepted the request.

A few days later found the Sergeant roaring angrily, "_WOLF!_"

As it turns out, Alex had wrapped up a huge box, and had put smaller and smaller boxes inside, making the Sergeant madder and madder. Then, in the last box, he had written in Wolf's writing, _Happy birthday._

_Good luck surviving, Wolf!_


	12. Not Supposed to Trust

**A/N I forgot how I got this idea. But hey, there are dark!Ben fanfics, and dark!Alex fics out there, but I never saw a dark!Tom fic before,so yeah...**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Ever.**

"Tom? What are you doing?"

"I'm telling your enemies, Scorpia, where you are right now."

"Tom, why are you doing this?"

"Alex, I thought you would have figured it out by now, but since you didn't…"

"What are you talking about?"

"Maybe I'm just a good actor. Or maybe you're losing your edge. Maybe you just turned soft. Or maybe, _you trust too easily_!"

"Tom? You were a double agent for _Scorpia?_"

"You finally figured it out? But you do know that it was too late now, right?"

"I _trusted _you! But _this _happens!"

"You're not supposed to trust, Alex."

**How do you make line breaks, anyway?  
**


	13. 8 Things I Want To Do Before I Die

**A/N I saw so many people writing about Alex writing an assignment, so I decided to give it a go... ^^ Not sure if if's good. I wrote this ages ago! But whatever... right?**

**Thanks to all the reviewers!**

**double-oh-nothing: I like your name. I remember when I didn't have an account and used to make up a username! :D Thank you for your compliment! I love being insanely hilarious/insane/random. I've heard that I was kind of... insane sometimes (my mean friends are mean sometimes...) and that I'm very random. Thanks for the compliment, and for your review! **

**double-oh-nothing: I'm glad you read on and reviewed again! I'd hate for people to read one part then just... leave... cause... aw, never mind. Well, I updated now, right? Thanks for your review!**

**SilverStar121: Yes, I did say that "I love killing Alex" I think. It's not like I'm sadistic or anything, but the sad scenes just come easier to me, because I could picture them in my head easily, thanks to Alex's unfortunate life. And also, I find that when I read sad scenes about a character, I sympathize, therefore making my feel closer to the character themself, not just the plot or whatever. Also, I just like him like that. But I would hate it if Alex really died. I'd be really sad. Thank you for your review!**

**snowflake13300: Did I reply to you review? I'm not sure... But thank you for your review, and I'm glad that you like chapter 7!**

8 Things I Want To Do Before I Die

By: Alex Rider

I want to quit the life-threatening job I have right now and get a new, safer job.

I want to swear colourfully in my current employer's face.

I want to move to another country.

I want to start a new, different life.

I want to let everyone know the truth.

I want to tell no more lies.

I want to have a normal life.

I want to kick Alan Blunt and the members of K Unit in their family jewels.


	14. What The Hell

**A/N Right. I... uh, got writers block? No, never mind. I actually had ideas written down before - during my French classes - but I didn't really know how to write them and stuff. But since I'm more of a sput-of-the-moment kind of writer, and school's out, I decided to give it a go. And then, in, like, what, twenty (max.) minutes, I have six drabbles written, only five of them planned... well, maybe not _only_. Ignore the "only" there, folks. This drabble was originally written as "Oracle" but I decided to take the last three words: What the hell. It could have been WTF, but although I swear, I'm not really comfortable _writing_ swear words. Bizarre, right?**

**Thank you to all of the reviewers that reviewed before, and stuff... Thank a lot, they mean a lot to me!**

* * *

"Alex, guess what?"

"What?" said boy sighed.

"I found this website… You're famous!"

"What?"

"Come."

So, both boys consulted this thing called the _Internet_.

Tom typed in .

Scrolling through, they clicked the one at the top—Of All Things—and read the most recent chapter.

On the bottom of the page, it said,

_I just wanted to say, _

"_Hi, Tom and Alex."_

Their thoughts were:

What the hell?

* * *

**I just wanted to say, **

**"Hi, Tom and Alex."**

* * *

**Heh. I don't know what I was doing. The "hi tom and alex" thing was completely out of the blue, but hope you like it!**

**I like using line breaks now! Addicted! !**

**Uh, sorry. I'm hyper for no reason.**


	15. OutOfBody Experience

**A/N This chapter is solely based on my reaction to my reviews... Except for the out-of-body experience part, though. I hope you enjoy it!**

Soon, Alex was addicted to FanFiction. He had made an account called Pessimistic Guardian Angel, for he was pessimistic, and he might as well have been a guardian angel thanks to all of the lives he saved.

But then he got a review. He skipped around the house, hugged Jack like he was the happiest kid in the world—which he was, right then—while schoolboy-Alex, Spy-Alex, Alex Friend, and many other Alexes—all coincidentally the same boy—stared on in horror.

At least they now knew what an out-of-body experience felt like, right?


	16. Torn

**A/N Right... I'm in an uploading frenzy right now, and I don't really have anything to say but... Oh no, wait! No, wait... that wasn't what I was going to say. I was gonna say, "Enjoy!" but then I realized I had put no disclaimer for the previous chapters in my frenzy. So here is the disclaimer for this chapter and the previous ones that I forgot the disclaimer for. Don't sue! It's here! Calm yourself!**

**Disclaimer: Do you think that Alex would really do the exotic things that I make him do? No? Smart. So have your lawyers on a tight leash and don't sue me!**

Alex, feeling the sugar rush, stood up and sang a hideous, off-key version of "Tonight Tonight" by Hot Chelle Rae, showing off his mad air-guitar skills.

Jack, the unfortunate victim of such scarring torture, sighed, slouching.

Suddenly, three men broke down the door, fully armed.

"Weapons down! We heard someone screeching—" Wolf yelled in alarm, but then froze when he realized that there was only a teen singing his head off and his poor guardian present in the household.

Jack was torn between laughing at them and crying in relief.


	17. Shopping

**A/N Damn FF... First, they said that this drabble was 99 words. Then, in the Edit/Preview Documents part, they said that it was 120-something! I didn't add stuff to it, but how can 99 equal 120-something? That does NOT look like 100 words to me! :( **

**My mood is ruined... **

**Disclaimer: *scoff* What's up with you authors? I mean, most singers and artists don't complain when people post covers on YouTube, but what's wrong with trying to be a fan? NOT MINE! Okay, I'm so frustrated... sorry.**

"Jack, Children's Place does _not _fit me!"

"Alex, it's called _sizes._"

"They don't fit me."

"They will."

"Please have mercy on me. I'll be a good boy now—I'll brush my teeth, clean my room, and stop swearing."

"You swear?"

"Oops. Uh, no?"

Poor Alex was dragged into Children's Place, flushed with embarrassment. Jack held up a shirt that was half the size his own.

"Not bad... Alex, do you mind wearing crop-tops?"

"Someone help me!"

**The Children's Place thing always happens with me. My mom would say what Jack said (minus the crop tops part) and so on. I'm not sure if there is Children's Place in Britain, though.**


	18. FIFA

**A/N Yes! Finally! Both Edit/Preview Document and the Doc Manager said that this text was 100 words! Yay! I'm happy now! Yeah. I'm pretty bipolar... .**

**Can anyone tell me if there's a difference between ADHD and ADD, though?**

Disclaimer: Not mine. Too lazy right now to think of anything else.

It was the second-last day of the school year. Alex's English teacher, Mr. Robinson, who was too lazy to teach that day, told them to pair up and talk about recent "discoveries". Of course, Tom and Alex were a pair.

"Alex, I think I know what FIFA stands for."

"Really? What does it stand for?"

"First International Foreign Agreement."

Alex snorted. "Tom, FIFA is _football._ Not some meeting or something."

"But Alex… Wasn't that the best thing I've come up with in my life?" he said earnestly, sincere.

"Tom, if that was the best, I'd hate to hear the worst."

**The FIFA scene actually happened to me in my French class with one of my other friends (not the one that sang I'm a Little Teapot... *sigh* she still does that...)but really, how come I'm always in Alex's spot and my friends are in Tom's spot? I can understand that I have some bad taste in friends... not, but am I really that Alex-ey in school, I wonder? But I don't get gossiped about, though.**


	19. Temple Run

**A/N Again, happened to me at school. And I was Alex. Again. Deja vu, much? Not. Anyway, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Yes, you heard me. NOT MINE. NOOOOOOOTTTTTT MMIIIIINNNNNEEEE. DOOOO YYYOOOOUUU UUUNNNNDDDEEERRRSSTTANNNDD? GOOOOOOOOD.**

"Tell me what you want to hear

Something that will light those ears

Sick of all the insincere

So I'm gonna give all my secrets away.

"This time, don't need another perfect lie,

Don't care if critics never jump in—stupid monkeys! Go bug some other explorer!"

Yes, Alex Rider wasn't happy with the monkeys chasing his character. They had ruined his song, and made him die.

But those were the consequences of listening to music and playing Temple Run at the same time.


	20. Birds and Bees

**A/N Right. I'm pissed. Again. The Doc Manager was just, like, _O__h, it's 100 words. Don't worry. It's a drabble. _But then the Edit/Preview Document says, _Nooooooo, it's 136 words._ And then, da dum, my reaction: WHAT THE FUCK! Well, no, I didn't really say that. My face said it just fine. And who would have known? The language that I was talking about in the summary only existed in my A/Ns! What a surprise. Everyone around me tells me I'm too young to swear (right, too young to swear, my butt), but I do so anyway. I am a good girl. Actually, I don't swear frequently, but still. Sorry about that.**

**Thank you to Anonomon13 that reviewed! Thank you for your review, my faithful, loyal friend! And to all of the awesome people that might have read this fanfiction... :D**

"Uh, Alex?"

"Yes, Tom?"

"What are those birds doing over there? Are they fighting? Shouldn't we be, like, doing something like, oh, I don't know… _Saving the little bird from being attacked?_"

"Tom… Okay, fine. Let me find a stick… Right, got one right here."

"Okay, Alex, thanks."

"But why can't you stop them yourself?"

"I'm not very fond of birds."

"_Right._"

"No really, I'm not."

"Okay Tom, whatever you say. But… I don't think those birds are fighting."

"Hmm?"

"Tom, mate, the bird on the top is _humping_ the other bird. Look."

"Oh God."

"Tom, the birds are _mating_."

**Okay. This actually happened to me. Me and my mom were walking home from who-knows-where, and there were two birds (sparrows, I think) that were lying ontop of eachother on the sidewalk (pavement I think is the word they use in Britain, is it not?) infront of our house, and my mom totally freaked out cause she thought the male was attacking the female. Then I, the reasonable, calm one, took a stick and bravely went to investigate. The birds didn't fly away. And the dude on top was HUMPING the poor chick on the bottom! So I said what I was supposed to say: "Mom, they're MATING."**

**PS. I always wanted to try this:**

**RANDOM QUESTION TIME!**

**Really, what's the difference between ADHD and ADD? Is there a difference?**

**If you have the courage, can you find out how many words the Birds-and-Bees one (this one) is? The ACTUAL thing, though. **

**If you can answer those random questions, you will forever have my eternal respect. I really can't offer anything else, because these are DRABBLES, not chaptered work. One paragraph would probably be the whole drabble.**


End file.
